The Queen Mum Lives

I learned that parenting a girl (even a one-year old girl) is vastly different than raising boys.  The Queen was given her nickname by the time we were out of the hospital because her real name is Elizabeth.  She has spent the last 18-months doing everything to live up to her nickname.  That is one high-maintenance chick!

Nothing will tear your heart out quicker than your baby boy pushing you away and saying “I don’t need you” on his first day of pre-school….except when you go to pick him up 3.5 hours later and he cries “Why did you leave me there so long mommy?  I wanted to hug you!”

When your son has mild Autism, his slowly “coming out of his shell” is not necessarily a good thing.  Especially when the boy that emerges can be a bigger smart-ass than his mother (please don’t tell me what a horrible mother I am….I love him to death.  But this is the same boy who kept pretending like he was going to pick up the bowl of Hosts when we sat near them last week at Mass)

I went to my 20th high school reunion.  It was fine.  It was interesting to see people again.  Mostly I spent much of the night wondering why I never told half of the people to fuck off 20 years ago.  Then I got pissed at myself for acting like a pathetic twit who dumped all her friends for her boyfriend and then cheated on him and made sure that he found out because she didn’t have the balls to break up with him and stay broken up so “high school” when I was in high school. Oh yeah – I also found out that the other guy I dated and slept with in high school is now gay.  That’s where way too much wine came in (and a shot of tequilla if I remember correctly)!  Anyway, I doubt I’ll go back to another one unless a certain 4-5 people will also be there.  So if you are looking for Mindi Brown from Haverford High School, email me and I’ll let you know if I don’t hate you you make the cut.

My business far exceeded my expectations….a little too much at times.  Thanks to me taking the month of December off from shows and parties, I was able to catch up (with the last 3 special orders being completed today) and have come up with a more workable schedule for 2008.

Thanks to Prince #1 & #2, I met a new friend in April and have the spent 8 months wondering why I never talked to her for the 2.5 years that she lived 5 houses away (oh yeah - because she was always yelling at HER sons in German and I didn’t think she spoke English).  She’s the perfect friend:  she drinks like a fish, smokes, loves her children, has a husband who works very long hours and gets insane when her house is messy.  She’s me, only taller, with less noticeable roots and kids that eat more than 4 things.

I found out that getting my daughter her first American Girl dolls will doom her to a life of cliquey-ness.  She will shun those with less expensive dolls.  She will insist on $5,000 trips to New York City to see the American Girl store.  She will hate me if I buy her any outfits for her dolls that are not directly from American Girl (at $24 a pop).  Further, her 2 dolls should be more multicultural to make up for the area in which I live (about as white-bread as it gets).  Gee – I thought that when she got a girl & boy Bitty Twin it would be a good idea to get her ones that looked like her & her brothers (blonde hair, blue eyes).  I didn’t realize that they made such a politcal statement (other than the high cost of them helps to ensure that the terrorists don’t win!)

I spent approximately $750 to lose 3 pounds.  As of December 18th, it had been $750 for 12 pounds, which I am sure that we all agree is a MUCH better bargain, but then the Christmas Binge of 2007 came in to play.  So to my husband – if you are reading this blog, consider those WW meetings as much-needed therapy, not more fucking money down the drain.  This still does not deter me from my ultimate goal, which is to make Lifetime and start working part-time for Weight Watchers…..I just need to lose 20 pounds now instead of 11.  At this rate, it should only cost another $7,250.  My kids don’t really need college, do they?

 You know what?  I had a really boring year.  Time to open a bottle of wine and work on some resolutions.  Everest?  Running with the Bulls?  Finishing Prince #2′s baby book?  Starting the Queen’s Baby book?

Have a happy and SAFE New Year!