Why I hate most stay-at-home-moms, even though I am one. (or, It’s Bunco Night!)
This week was way too serious (politics, violence and romance…oh my!) But I am kinda serious about this one too. And it’s Bunco Night, complete with the usual cast of characters. All of them, with the exception of BestFriendMommy and NewMommyOnTheBlock fall in to one or more of these categories
(except the moms that I have met through blogging are pretty cool. Really – you are. I mean it. Please don’t flame me).
Perhaps I just know too many of them. In my area I would say at least 60% of the moms stay home until their children are in the 2nd-4th grade. Assuming all goes well, I’ll be home until the oldest is in 6th grade (at which point The Queen will enter 1st grade).
So why am I a traitor to my own kind? Let me break it down for you:
Competitive Parenting: yes – I know that Juliard is banging down your door because your little pwecious is a concert pianist at age three. At least that’s what you tell everyone. The last time I heard him play the piano all the cats in the neighborhood started running in circles. But whatever – keep telling me how much better your child is than mine. Make sure that I know that your child potty-trained 2 weeks younger than mine did. Whatever makes you feel better. I don’t play that game. My kids have been reading, spelling and writing out math problems since they were 2 years old. But they each have their own cornicopia of issues to deal with so I don’t try to pretend that they are perfect.
Helicopter moms: your kid fell down. Get over it. There is no blood and your smothering him with boo-boo kisses for every hangnail is going to raise nothing but a whiney little shit who eats paste and gets beat up a lot.
Germophobe moms: Germs are good. I’m not talking about letting your kid drink his own urine (although it is sterile), but ease up on the Purel. A few germs will actually help build up his immune system.
High School Moms: no, I’m not talking about girls who got knocked up at 14 (that is an entirely different post). I’m talking about moms who never quite left high school or the sorority house. The mom who gets mad at you if you don’t hate who she hates. The kind of mom who asks your opinion and then gets mad at you if you don’t give her exactly the answer she was looking for. You’ve been entrusted with the important task of raising children to be a good person…. so grow the fuck up already!
Granola Moms: two words: Diva Cup.
What kind of moms am I missing?
It just seems that there are very few women out there who can just be a mom…without the drama, without the over-scheduling, without the trying to prepare their kids for Harvard from Day 1. Whatever happened to just being happy to be a regular Mom?
My neighbor is a college professor and he’s still dealing with helicopter moms. Sheesh, when does it stop?
Very funny post! Good to know that, by definition, I can’t fall into these groups. BTW, don’t say that nobody ever tags you
I hear you! Where is the happy medium these days?
Mindi LOL, you have a way of taking something so true and putting a sense of humor into it! Thanks for the fun perspective.
I totally agree with you. I hate the competition. It’s worse with first time mom’s for sure. Once the second child rolls around it seems to get easier. Germaphobes drive me crazy!
I’m more the granola mom but I don’t use a freaky cup!
I just wish we all could be authentic and discuss our troubles with parenting and everything else instead of trying to look like supermom on the outside!! It would make life for all of us so much easier.
I want to try the diva cup. I know crunchy moms who use and they all love it. Don’t hate me!
I have a 22 year old and a 10 year old. The difference in my parenting of the two is relatively incredible. All the freaking out with the first one is so unnecessary. I think it might be impossible to discover that through any route other than experience.
Funny! I am none of the above (thank goodness!)
I think you are my new hero. You forgot the Parking Lot Mafia moms. There at my kid’s school and they scare the crap outta me.
Can I hear an “AMEN?”
I’m the mom that all those mom back away in horror from:
My kid is dirty? Great! that is what they are supposed to do!
My kid fell down? did they break the sidewalk?
My kid hasn’t read War and Peace at the age of 4? Cool, but he can connect the dots in his Spiderman coloring book.
Geez, they are kids for such a short time, let them be kids!
SisterHB: Parking Lot Mafia? My son takes the school bus so I don’t know what that is. Please ‘splain (so I can make fun of them of course)
Say What: that’s my attitude. I love when they tell you “your son can’t sit still in class”…umm – yeah. It’s because he is FOUR YEARS OLD! My children are just starting their public school lives (oldest is in first grade). I have a feeling that school is going to hate me and report me to CPS at some point!
My son takes the bus to school. I work, so I pick him up from the after-school program on my way home.
I don’t work Thursdays however and just pick him up from school that day instead of having him ride the bus home (he’s five. never done it. i’m stupid). The “parking lot mafia” scare me.
1. They don’t think the pick-up line is for them. They zoom by the rest of us schmoes to the front and PARK in the middle of the lot and go inside to get their precious darlings.
2. If they are in the line, they are out of their cars in a huddle talking about the PTA and their little committees and how we working moms don’t have enough time to offer them. (bitter much? yes I am)
There just snotty. And rude. And why can’t their kid ride the bus. Seriously, if I was home every day in time for the bus, my kid would be riding it.
I just realized why I haven’t made very many mommy friends. You’ve just described 90% of the women I’ve met in the past three years.
This was hysterical and I am laughing so hard right now. Thanks so much.
pppj
I’m lovin’ this! As I write this, I am at work and trying DESPERATELY not to laugh out loud. Oh my gosh, this describes my area to a T! ALL OF IT
My son just turned 6 and is in Kindergarten and public school has been a real eye opener. I don’t think private school could be worse with the snootiness!!! You see we have the “tennis moms” instead of “soccer moms” and they look at me funny because I work (never mind I make more money than most of their hubbies but I don’t show it via my CAR!) That’s right, my Honda Accord apparently doesn’t count in the “tennis and SUV only” club! Thanks so much, it’s nice to know there are more of us out there like yourselves!
I love his blog! Thank you, Thank you, for making me laugh so hard and for helping me find solace in the fact that I am not alone in feeling this way about the PTA!
I’ve been on the Board and I prefer to sit on the sidelines and participate in my own way. I am a very private person and these PTA Power Moms can be sooo aggressive and competitive!
Keep it coming! I love it!