10 Things I Hate (100 Things, Part III)
Six o’clock already I was just in the middle of a dream
I was kissing Valentino by a crystal blue Italian stream
But I can’t be late because then I guess I just won’t get paid
These are the days when you wish your bed was already made
Ok – so it was 5:15am and I was kissing an old college boyfriend on the Peter Pan ride at DisneyWorld. And I don’t have a job to get to that pays me money and Monday is “sheet day” anyway. Same thing really.
But it’s Monday! Time for Part III of my X-part series: “100 things about me” (or “The series that relieves me of having to come up with topical stuff for the day”)
That was enough ado, so without any further, I present: “The Ten Things I Hate”
- Ignorant people: Notice I did not say “stupid”. I said “ignorant”. Ignorance is curable: you just add knowlege and stir. Ignorant people are perfectly content to go about their lives without caring or knowing how their actions affect others. They have an opinion on something and won’t let any facts/data to the contrary change their mind. This includes most of the Republican leadership.
- Spiders/ants: I can watch any gory movie, any real-life surgery on TV and wipe shit and puke for hours. But the minute I see one of those tiny little fuckers, I am running for the bug spray and will empty an entire can of aerosol killing solution on them (the environment be damned)! After they have been sprayed, I will then give those Riverdance people some competition as I stomp their little guts out to to make sure that they are dead. Please don’t try to tell me all the good that spiders do for the Circle Of Life. I saw Arachnophobia! And don’t even get me started on every spring when the farmer behind me manures his field and we have a “fly problem” for a week. Oh wait – give it another few weeks and I’m sure that you will be reading about it here!
- Mushrooms: they’re fungus. They are tasty fungus, but they are fungus nonetheless. I cannot stand to eat them in their natural form (raw or cooked). The texture of them literally makes me gag. But if you extract the flavor from them, process them and add tons of chemicals? I’m all over that!
- Driving: For so many reasons. First, because I am rarely alone in the car and that means that either a Backyardigans, Pokemon or WonderPets video is playing. It’s also the only time I have to wear my glasses and I look like a dork in them. And I WILL NOT drive in the rain at night.
- Email from real-life immediate family/friends: Not the joke-emails. I actually don’t mind those. It’s the “hey – how are the kids and what have you been up to?” ones that I don’t like. I know that email frees up so much valuable time that is wasted on making a personal connection with your neighbor or sister. I’m an old-fashioned gal. I like hearing voices, and not just the ones in my head. Pick up the damn phone!
- Vacations that last more than 5 days: I can’t help it. After 5 days my left eye starts to twitch because I know that the dust is accumulating and that “still-water line” in the toilet is starting to form.
- Dooce: ok – I don’t hate her, but I just don’t get the virtual worship of her and her blog. I know that she pioneered the Mommy-blog movement, but I have found so many more interesting bloggers out there….ones who allow comments more than once a week. I know – if I don’t like it, I don’t have to read it. I don’t.
- The fact that I am so vain: for all my frump-fighting posts and snarky comments, I sometimes envy those women who are comfortable going out in public without a shower, full makeup and in stained yoga pants. Just don’t tell my mom, ‘kay?
- Celine Dion: I was sorta ok with her until she sang that grating and annoying “My Heart Will Go On” song for “Titanic” (possibly the worst movie ever made). Then she covered AC/DC and I realized that she must be killed!
- Parents who overschedule their children and themselves and then complain about not being able to spend time as a family: Children do not need an activity every night and on weekends. There is something to be said for just sitting on the sofa with your child on a Tuesday night and watching TV; for realizing that playing Hi Ho Cherry-O with your 4-year old is more important than folding a load of laundry; for getting out in the back yard with your children instead of dropping them off at softball and picking them up an hour later. If you don’t get that, then I have four words for you: “Cats in the Cradle”
And that concludes this week’s boring installment. Next week? “10 Things I Love!”
I agree about Dooce. So don’t get the idol worship.
I am so ON-BOARD with #10! That makes me want to just slap them in the head and scream “WAKE UP, ASSHOLE!!!” I mean SERIOUSLY!
So – I live in such a bubble that I had no idea who Dooce is… so I peeked. What is the big deal? Looks like just another blog to me… color me stupid I guess!
Also – the long vacation thing… I like my home, my life – the rhythym and routine of my life… vacations are often more stressful than relaxing for me… I don’t pretend to know why. Pretty sure a shrink would have a field day with me. I don’t go of course because I would like to send MY child to college – not the shrink’s – ya know??
#10: I have my son (almost 5) help me fold the small towels. It takes everything in me to NOT refold them.
I’m with ya on #6, #8, #9 and #10. Damn, aren’t you exhausted? I am!
yes, yes on all of these except #7 – I have no idea who Dooce is, so I can’t jump that hate train.
Hey Min… Like a month ago or better I had emailed you a replacement banner… I don’t even know if you got it or not? Did you ever get it??
You can grab it here if you want it…
OMG! Celine covering AC/DC was the single most frightening thing in my life. I thought it was the first sign of the Apocolypse!
Sister Honey Bunch: thanks for joining me in my “blogger blasphemy”!
Daisy: I had to re-word that so many times, because it is mainly the moms that I know that work that complain and I didn’t want to appear to be coming “down” on the working moms. Oh – but the mommywars have been heating up around here. Should make for a fun Bunco Night this Friday!
Randomability: The Queen helps me fold as well. I fold them and she throws them. I refold them and then we fight over it because she wants to throw it again.
Darla: agreeing with me all the time IS tiring….welcome to “Mindi-logic”.You might want to grab a beer!
Tara: Dooce is the “Queen” of mommy bloggers. There was even a recent WSJ article about her
Daisy: I don’t remember getting it before but I love the new one. Thanks! But at the risk of sounding like a picky bitch: could you change the font of the title to something simpler? Like a Harrington font ( http://www.fontstock.net/8735/Harrington.html )? Other than that, it’s the perfect size and I would be happy to use it!
Say What: yes – the bitch must be killed. Is she still in Vegas every night or do we have to go to Canada to get her?
Yup! I can change the font… give me a day or so.
Busy tonight…
I lied.
I was worried I would forget – and we all know the 30 second rule – right? Well – maybe i took a full minute. Woopie.
Here ya go!
I don’t like beer. I’ll keep mine wine and add some cheese to it, but thanks.
Daisy: thanks! I’ll probably put it up tomorrow
Darla: Smoked Gouda or Brie?
Mindi: Celine has left the strip! I think I heard she is on a World Tour – yes, in the interest of gathering the info we would need, she is in Malaysia right now.
Just catching up here, and too shocked for words over the sacrilege that Celine Dion has perpetrated. That is just not right. At all. Isn’t there a license they can revoke for that??