The Queen Mum Lives

Have some sympathy and taste…

I’ve had that song running through my head ever since I first told the story of JeepBitch and BMWBitch (and if you only know the Guns N’ Roses version, then you are either too young to be reading blogs or have horrible taste in music!)

and I know that I promised an update….ummm…10 days ago?…so here it is (forgive the lateness of this post, but I hope that both this post and the reason it was late – I’ve got a project a’brewin’ – will be worth it)

WARNING:  this is one long-ass post!

So do you want to know what is really not a good idea?  Being a serious bitch (that would be JeepBitch) to a serious bitch (that would be me) with PMS (me again).  And that is exactly what happened last week.

Backstory.  Add to this a recent Home Owners Association Newsletter asking residents with children playing in the streets to be mindful of cars and to not block the streets (some people literally block the street and refuse to move…but not us)

Scene:  in front of BestFriendMommy’s house.  JeepBitch comes tearing down the street and as usual, we see her coming and have the kids out of the way in plenty of time.  JeepBitch stops her car, addressing BestFriendMommy:

JeepBitch:  Didn’t you see the recent letter telling you to keep your fucking kids out of the street

BestFriendMommy: ummmm (and here is a good time to mention that BFM is German and has only lived in this country for 3 years and isn’t always the quickest with “comebacks” in English.  I think that is why she is the recipient of most of JeepBitch’s wrath)

Me (stepping forward): ok – what the fuck is your problem? (I can be considerably less polite than PerfectCatholicMommy….FYI – when we got the kids out of her way, I sent them to BFM’s back yard swing set because I knew I was about to lose it)

JeepBitch:  you need to keep your kids out of the street!  I live on this street and I am tired of having to wait for your brats to get out of my way

Me:  Look Bitch – I’ve lived here for 12 years and you do not live on this street.  you live in the townhomes and you know damn well that you aren’t supposed to use this street as a cut-through.  You are supposed to use OtherStreet!

JeepBitch: why can’t you just keep your stupid fucking kids in the back yard?

Me:  Because we can’t and we won’t.  They want to play with chalk and ride their bikes and we are going to let them do it in the only place that makes sense – the street in an area wher ewe can safely move them in time.  People who actually LIVE on this street are ok with it and their kids are usually right here with us.  You are just some bitter bitch who wants to make herself feel better by yelling at the foreigner (pointing to BFM).  Are you really that insecure or do you just need to get laid THAT badly?  Now Good Day!

JeepBitch (screws up her face, moves her car forward, stops, moves forward, stops, then leans out the window):  YOU…

Me:  I SAID GOOD DAY SIR! (snaps if you can name that movie!)

So that night, I finally email the HOA about JeepBitch (I knew that others had emailed, I just never got around to it).  Three days, no response.

In the midst of all this, the VP of the HOA (Let’s call her HOAMommy) also sends her son to Prince #2′s pre-school.  I never wanted “HOA business” to interfere with our son’s friendship (and aside from my crumbling curb, there was never a reason for it to anyway), but I saw her the following Monday and I was still fuming.

Turns out HOAMommy lives on the other street that is often used as a cut-though to the townhomes, and JeepBitch is also quite active on their street as well.

Bottom line?  Because I am obsessive and can seriously hold a grudge, I went looking for JeepBitch’s car in the townhomes, found it and marked the address.  I provided the address to the HOA and they sent her a “cease and desist” letter, telling her that any future complaints would be turned over to the State Police (through a quirk in the zoning, the only police with authority in our neighborhood are Staties – no “local yokels” for us!).  They also told her that they would be encouraging residents on OurStreet and OtherStreet to videotape (is that the right word?  I just got my first new camcorder in 12 years, so I am not up on the lingo) any further incidents, including any incidents of speeding, so that those videos could be turned over as evidence.

Want to know what clinched the deal with the HOA was?

HOAMommy got a dog three weeks ago.  And apparently, JeepBitch likes to yell at dog-walkers just as much as she likes to yell at children.

Although I am still considering taking up a collection to get JeepBitch laid….