The Queen Mum Lives

It seems that the phrase “I’m back” should have been delayed about a week.  That’s the thing about getting a bug up your ass and making a declarative statement.  AssBugs often don’t consider your vacation schedule.

So let’s see…..what’s been happening since I stormed out of here in a huff?

We just got back from vacation on Sunday.  Yes, we left the oppressive-95-fucking-thousand-degree-heat of PA to visit the oppressive-98-fucking-thousand-degree heat of Savannah, GA.  If I ever decide to homeschool my children, it will be because I don’t want to have to confine our vacation trips to the summer in order to see the in-laws. 

But considering I have really great in-laws, one would think that it would have been a nice relaxing vacation, no?  But one does tend to tense up when your children are 2, 5 and 7 and you find out that the only fatal attack by an alligator in 30 years in Georgia took place just 2 blocks away from your bedroom!  It sort of puts a damper on that whole “hey kids – why don’t you go out and play” idea! 

The best part of the trip?  I snagged a copy of Photoshop Elements from my father-in-law…the one I have been meaning to buy but have just been too damn cheap to do so (and Picasa just isn’t cutting it).  What’s that?  Of COURSE I’ll send Adobe a check for a “licensing fee”…why wouldn’t I?

After 4 days of sweating my ass off having a great time we loaded everyone BACK in the car and took off back up I-95 to spend the rest of the week at my father’s house at the shore.

Public Service Annoucement:  If you ever find yourself in need of a bathroom at 3:00am along I-95 in North Carolina….just go ahead and pee your pants.  You’ll stay cleaner that way!

The beach was fun…except that little thing about a hangover from 4 days of cards, wine and Hpnotiq Blue Breezes that I still haven’t fully recovered from yet.  And the food poisoning from bad crab dip.  Oh yeah – and losing Prince #2 on the beach for a full 20 minutes (he was found 4 lifeguard stands up-beach…he said he just wanted to go for a walk.  There were 4 adults standing around him at the time but he wanted to show us what a big boy he was by sneaking away.  Crafty little fucker nearly gave me a heart attack)

But the worst part of everything?  After all that sun, my hair has bleached out to a color not seen since the late 80s when I used Frost & Tip and yet my skin is freakishly tan.  I look like some sort of Pamela Anderson-clone….well – if Pamela Anderson was fat and had small tits…

Meanwhile on the homefront…..BestFriendMommy is in Germany for 2 more weeks, the fucking hermit crab STILL won’t die, The Queen is about to be renamed LittleMissAttitude, my house is STILL a mess and my MOMS Club duties are finally over (I’m still writing the newsletter, but there is a new President and Board and NONE of them are me for the first time in 3 years!).  My frugal blog is really taking off…it already gets 3x the daily hits as my highest day on this blog ever did!

And now I have to go visit all of my old bloggy friends, play with my Photoshop and try to come up with a photo essay of my vacation (but if you think my fat freakishly-colored ass will be in any photos – think again!).