Baby Blues?  Had ‘em.

A few moments/days/weeks of self-pity?  Sure

But the all-consuming, need medication, life-altering depression?  Hasn’t happened.

And like so many other things in life, because I haven’t experienced it I have a hard time understanding it.  I have a hard time understanding how someone with whom I can laugh, joke and drink can be depressed.  How the guy sitting next to me at Thanksgiving with a big smile on his face is depressed.  When I find out that they are that way because they are medicated, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to go off their meds.

I can’t imagine why anyone would go in to the woods behind his parents house and blow his face off.

I can’t imagine why two years later, his brother wouldn’t be extra vigilant about his meds so that he doesn’t accidentally overdose on them.  Or purposely take too many at a time when he seemed to be getting back on his feet, was in a job that made him happy and getting ready to finally move out of his parents house.  Whichever one it was, I can’t imagine why.

I can’t imagine how to console my future sister-in-law who also suffers from her own bouts of depression and help her through losing a 2nd brother in 3 years because of depression…except this time it wasn’t “just” her brother.  It was her twin.  The only person in her family that she wanted at her wedding to my brother.

We have considered her family for years.  Now we are all she has…the only family that she will talk to.

And I’m scared to death that she will take the same path as her brothers.

And I don’t understand how to help her.  How to help my brother to help her.

How not to lose her.

So here I am at my new site.  I spent about 2 hours going through old posts on the old site and deleting them in order to get under the 2MB limit for the WordPress Import

(please – if there was a way to move my site and stay over the limit, I don’t want to know)

I made the announcement prematurely.  I forgot about all the plug-ins, themes and other bullshit that comes with setting up the site….and it’s New Years Eve and I am due to start getting drunk in about 2 hours

So bear with me!

Oh yeah – and I GOTS to get me a new header…I could use the old one, but I think I want a new one.  COURTNEY!!!!

(no – I don’t believe that it’s a choice.  I think that they are born that way.  I never made a decision to be straight…but that’s not even the point and I’m not going to get in to that discussion…onward….)

If you are someone who skips class reunions (I only showed up for the 20th and then proceeded to get hammered, so I may as well have skipped it),  people from high school have probably been frozen in time for you.  The prettiest and most popular girl still looks perfect in your mind.  The gorgeous, aloof, yet sensitive guy is still the same.  Your high school boyfriend is still as perfect (or imperfect) as the last time you saw him.

Do you know what the problem is with FaceBook?  All of those people are on there.  Some of them have improved with age and some others?  Not so much.  And then you find out that most of those guys who you spent many a night just wishing would proclaim their undying love for you….are now gay.

At least I have an explanation for the guys I made a fool of myself chasing after like a dog in heat and wouldn’t give me the time of day who were the targets of my totally non-obvious crush.  It wasn’t me – I just had the wrong equipment and they either didn’t know or couldn’t say (hey – this was the mid-80s.  “coming out” in high school was.not.done).

FYI: I reacted like any neurotic normal person would.  I started seeking out all the guys that I dated in high school or had a crush on.  Married?  Their profile picture is a Monument to Testosterone?  FRIEND ‘EM!   It’s sort of like that episode of Friends where Phoebe called every friend she had to make sure they were alive. 

But after my initial immature reaction, I started to think about it and it made perfect sense.  The reason that I liked these guys so much was because they represented the best of both worlds.  Looking back on it, I can smack my head and say “How did I not see it then?” (probably because they didn’t see it either), but they were gorgeous guys who liked Madonna, were good dancers, dressed great, were quiet and shy and never seemed to have a girlfriend.  They were me, with dicks.

They were the stereotype, without the limp wrist and fey accent.

And then I started thinking of the objects of my adult lusts….

Rupert Everett?  Yep – Gay

Neil Patrick Harris?  Gay

B.D. Wong?  Anderson Cooper?  BARRY MANILOW? (ok – that last one may not have been that big a shock)

So there you have it….I may be a grown woman of 39 with a husband who oozes testosterone with his DeWalt tools (although he DOES know the difference between chartreuse and lime green)….

But I am nothing but a fag hag!  And I can’t wait to hang out with them again!

Ahh – the shit I do for my own sanity!

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if a husband knew about all of his wife’s sites, including the content of all of them…..

and the husband knew that the wife liked to tell dick and fart jokes as well as rip him a new asshole while proclaiming her undying love for him on this site…

and a husband informed a co-worker about her frugal blog as well as her woefully unupdated jewelry website…..

and the husband also told many other co-workers about THIS blog and told them that the funny stuff was here……

would the wife be overly bitchy by referring those co-workers to this this this this this this this this and this post (ok – and I’ll be nice:  this post as well)?

Of course, hypothetically speaking……

(P.S.  Have fun at work darlin’!)

The Queen learned how to climb out of the Pack & Play while we were on vacation.  When we go home, it only took her 2 more days to figure out how to climb out of her much-taller crib.  We knew this day would come (although I have to say that she is a pretty slow learner…Prince #1 was hopping out at 17 months, Prince #2  at 19 months.  She waited until 25.5 months).

Long ago, we decided that we get rid of the crib when our youngest was done with it.  I know that some people keep their cribs just in case their grandchildren need a place to sleep when they visit.  But since Prince #1 is only 7, the thought of saving a crib for (what better be) a minimum of 15 years is not a very appealing one.  Besides, by the time my kids have kids, our crib will surely be considered a deathtrap!

Listed it on Craigs List for $150 (kind of high, but it was AVeryExpensiveCrib and is in excellent condition) and already have 6 emails from people wanting to buy it.

And now I don’t want to sell it…

How can I sell the thing that has been such a big part of my children’s life to this point?  I used it for all 3 of my children since the day they came home from the hospital.  They slept in it, played in it, puked in it and shit in it (no – I didn’t include those last two in my listing….Lysol does the trick).  I slept next to it when they were sick and perfected the art of the “one hand & a knee” method of lowering the sides.

Getting rid of the crib means that they are no longer babies.

And I hate it!

Story #1:  The introduction of JeepBitch and BMWBitch (her mom)

Story #2:  I become completely unhinged and tell JeepBitch she needs to get laid

So after all that….what happens?

Nothing.  Haven’t seen her again.

I know – it’s kind of like those last few days before your period and you know it’s going to be a week before you are going to get laid again, but you just.can’t.get.there……..very unsatisfying.

So let’s see…..what’s been happening since I stormed out of here in a huff?

We just got back from vacation on Sunday.  Yes, we left the oppressive-95-fucking-thousand-degree-heat of PA to visit the oppressive-98-fucking-thousand-degree heat of Savannah, GA.  If I ever decide to homeschool my children, it will be because I don’t want to have to confine our vacation trips to the summer in order to see the in-laws. 

But considering I have really great in-laws, one would think that it would have been a nice relaxing vacation, no?  But one does tend to tense up when your children are 2, 5 and 7 and you find out that the only fatal attack by an alligator in 30 years in Georgia took place just 2 blocks away from your bedroom!  It sort of puts a damper on that whole “hey kids – why don’t you go out and play” idea! 

The best part of the trip?  I snagged a copy of Photoshop Elements from my father-in-law…the one I have been meaning to buy but have just been too damn cheap to do so (and Picasa just isn’t cutting it).  What’s that?  Of COURSE I’ll send Adobe a check for a “licensing fee”…why wouldn’t I?

After 4 days of sweating my ass off having a great time we loaded everyone BACK in the car and took off back up I-95 to spend the rest of the week at my father’s house at the shore.

Public Service Annoucement:  If you ever find yourself in need of a bathroom at 3:00am along I-95 in North Carolina….just go ahead and pee your pants.  You’ll stay cleaner that way!

The beach was fun…except that little thing about a hangover from 4 days of cards, wine and Hpnotiq Blue Breezes that I still haven’t fully recovered from yet.  And the food poisoning from bad crab dip.  Oh yeah – and losing Prince #2 on the beach for a full 20 minutes (he was found 4 lifeguard stands up-beach…he said he just wanted to go for a walk.  There were 4 adults standing around him at the time but he wanted to show us what a big boy he was by sneaking away.  Crafty little fucker nearly gave me a heart attack)

But the worst part of everything?  After all that sun, my hair has bleached out to a color not seen since the late 80s when I used Frost & Tip and yet my skin is freakishly tan.  I look like some sort of Pamela Anderson-clone….well – if Pamela Anderson was fat and had small tits…

Meanwhile on the homefront…..BestFriendMommy is in Germany for 2 more weeks, the fucking hermit crab STILL won’t die, The Queen is about to be renamed LittleMissAttitude, my house is STILL a mess and my MOMS Club duties are finally over (I’m still writing the newsletter, but there is a new President and Board and NONE of them are me for the first time in 3 years!).  My frugal blog is really taking off…it already gets 3x the daily hits as my highest day on this blog ever did!

And now I have to go visit all of my old bloggy friends, play with my Photoshop and try to come up with a photo essay of my vacation (but if you think my fat freakishly-colored ass will be in any photos – think again!).

Things are better here and I no longer want to rip the head off of certain people…well, at least, not anyone who reads this blog!

I am heading to Georgia tomorrow night, then coming home by way of my father’s shore house for a few days.

Stay tuned…….